Saving Erin
by ThatFangirlHybridSuperhero
Summary: When Erin is taken by a figure from her past out for revenge, the team has to work together to save her. Truths about her past surface, old faces and feelings that Halstead just doesn't understand. It's a race against time to get to her before she's damaged beyond repair. Linstead slow burn, angst, friendship and badass detectives.
1. When everything goes wrong

When it's going to be one of those days, you get a feeling. It's dread and fear and all of the bad stuff mixed up into something much worse and it doesn't just go away.

That's just until the bad thing happens, and all the bad things that were there before go away and are replaced with something much worse, something that can't even be explained...

and that was the feeling she had that morning, whilst she clipped her gun into the holster and put on her leather jacket, the feeling that something utterly and tragically life changing was about to happen.

...

An hour later, she's sat at her desk frowning at some paperwork that seems like shapes on a page, making no sense. She's thinking about the car parked outside her apartment block that morning, the man behind the wheel, he was so familiar but she couldn't put a name to the face.

The feeling in the pit of her stomach is still there, she's unable to shake it off. Not even when Jay pushes a coffee towards her her.

"Thanks." She says, before taking a sip.

He grabs his chair and pulls it over. "So, do you want to grab dinner after work tonight?"

She thinks of wine and a nice restaurant and Jay making stupid jokes about Voight being her dad and feels the corners of her lips rise into a smile, "Sure."

Jay smirks, "It's a date."

Erin whips around to make sure Voight hasn't heard the joke and then looks back around to Jay, "Don't say that so loud Halstead, I don't want Voight getting the wrong end of the stick and then the next thing I know I somehow find myself working late tonight."

Jay nods, "Got it, I just thought you'd be happy that I finally asked you out for food, I'm a catch after all. "

"You wish Halstead." Erin says, snorting.

"No, you wish." He says, flicking a piece of her hair out to the side.

They're interrupted by Voight who looks grave. "Listen in kids, we got ourselves a case, homicide have passed it over, they decided this kind of things I'm more our thing."

Erin stands and faces her boss, "Gang related?"

He nods, "I was getting to that part." Voight walks over to the board and pins up several images. "A few months ago Jose Ramirez, highly ranked in the Latin Kings Made contact with a Mexican cartel offering something that had them very interested..."

Antonio interrupts, "Los Zetas?

Voight nods and continues, "The Z's got all excited over something here in Chicago, so much so that they sent men from the Texan border to make some kind of deal with the Kings that never went down."

He sticks another picture to the board before speaking again, "Miguel Perez, low down in the Sinaloa cartel got word of the Z's coming to make a deal, figured it was about drugs and told someone with power. The next thing we know, two members of Los Zetas are dead, with two missing, including someone's wife. I've heard from our friends down in huge south that news got back to the leaders quickly and they're sending men up for retribution."

Ruzek frowns, "Wait, right, Cartels are real? I thought the police academy made it all up to scare us or something, what are they going to do, shoot each other?"

Antonio laughs bitterly, "They won't end it so quickly. They'll be gun wars for certain but then any gang in chicago with any ties with either cartel will get involved, and when the cartels are involved, any alliances between gangs with different ties is void. We're talking gun runners, prostitution rings, drug dealers, every gang in chicago."

The youngest detective looks terrified and Erin really does not blame him.

Voight begins to talk again, "Antonio's right, we're talking full scale war in our city, women, kids, innocents, are seen as collateral damage, these guys don't care who gets hurt. We only have a few options now and only a limited amount of time to put it all into place."

He looks at Erin. "Kid, before I tell you something, I want you to know that this wasn't my choice, I had no say in it."

She looks confused. "What happened?"

"They released Clayton Merendes, known as El blanco Latino. His mothers Russian and Father's Mexican, but has links high up in Mexican cartels. He has family on both sides, a cousin and an uncle. They think he can arrange a meeting, stop the war before it really starts. Arrange a deal where the Z's accept compensation for their dead, get their men and women back who were taken and make an agreement that they stay out of Sinaloa territory."

He looks over to Erin again who's looking down at the desk.

She looks up angrily.

"For over a year I stayed with that man, doing whatever he asked me. He nearly got me back on heroin for gods same! They just let him out? Do they know what he said to me before they dragged him off that day, "I'm gonna get out and then you're dead bitch, when you least expect it, you're dead-"

Voight cuts her off, "He's not going to find you Erin! He's too busy trying to figure out what's going on with the cartels. As soon as he arranges the deal and the problem is resolved he's going back inside. For good."

She rubs at her wrist nervously, seeing the scars glint in the light. He'd broken her wrist so badly she had to have it operated on.

"We're going to do our best to get some of the big players in chicago gangs to back off and leave this to the cartels. Make deals, offer pardons for crimes, talk to them, anything to stop them from picking a side."

Jay sneers, "This is bullshit, we know that every gang in this city has already picked a side, we can't stop this, this is bigger than us."

"No Halstead, this is my city and no Mexican cartel is going to roll up here and start a war. It's not going to happen, ever. We need to start now, get on the streets and talk to the gangs, today. Jay and Erin go out together, Ruzek and Antonio and Alvin's with me."

Antonio nods quickly, "I have to make a call before we head out, let my wife know I'm going to be working late."

Four hours later, Erin's sitting in her car waiting for Jay to fill the car up with gas. She drums her nails on the dash nervously. The feeling's still there, but it's different, more hair on the back of your neck standing up kind of feeling. Someone's watching her.

Jay rapping on the window made her jump. She unlocks the door and he quickly gets in, "Is there any reason why in the middle of winter, you just locked me outside the car?"

"I-I'm just being paranoid, ignore me, I locked you out just so I could actually prove you are capable of getting colds." She turns her worry into a joke and smiles. Nothing bad can happen when she's with her partner.

Her phone buzzes and and she answers. "Hey Voight."

"Hey kid, put me on speaker, I got good news."

She does as instructed.

"So the Sinaloa cartel realised that up in the USA they have nothing against the Z's, their gangs thanks to the police department put up white flags and said they were staying out of it. They figured that there was no way they could beat the Z's so they released the bodies of the dead and sent the kidnapped men and women back towards the south to arrange a meet up. Apparently they're going to make a new deal regarding the cocaine smuggling but that's a job for narcotics and the CIA, so we're in the clear. Back to normal in the morning, go home and get some rest."

Erin smiles and breathes a sign of relief. "What about Merendes?"

"They're working now on getting a warrant for his arrest. Something drugs related to ensure he does serious time. He should be taken into custody within the next few hours."

She hangs up the phone and smiles, turning to Jay, "So, dinner?"

"Sure." Then he drives to the nearest Italian.

...

A few hours later they're walking out of the restaurant Erin laughing at some stupid joke Jay makes, too drunk to not find it funny.

"How are we getting home?" She asks.

"I didn't drink, I figured you needed it more than me, I'll drive you back to your apartment."

They get in the car and everything's good. Until Halstead stops outside the apartment block and Erin makes no move to get out of the car.

Jay frowns, "What's up?"

She's staring up curiously at her apartment. "I swear on my life someone has drawn the curtains. They were open when I left and the window. It looks like it was opened from the outside."

Her partner looks at her, "Want me to call it in?"

She shakes her head, "No, I just really need you to walk me up there and watch me close the door. I'm being paranoid."

She's right about being paranoid. Because when she gets up there she sees a note signed by Nadia. Apologising for going into her apartment without calling but she really needed to get some clothes she'd left behind. Erin smiles and says goodnight to her partner.

Everything's fine but as his car disappears into the distance the feeling of dread comes back again.

For the first time in 3 years, she sleeps with a gun underneath her pillow .

...

The next day she has a cold and it sucks. It's part of the reason why she doesn't see the car trailing her all the way to the store, a man smirking behind the wheel. Just waiting and watching. She's almost at the precinct when the silver car appears in her rear view mirror and she realises it's following her. The panick is almost debilitating but she carries on driving and calls her partner, who picks up on the third ring.

Hey partner, did you get me those-"

She cuts him off. "Jay, I'm being followed."

He goes quiet and then she hears his yell for Antonio and Voight. "Erin just stay calm, how far out are you?"

She looks up to the road, realising a huge mistake. She's almost crying now. "Jay, I did something stupid, I drove down to that dead end 5 minutes from the precinct. I didn't realise until now. I'm going to have to stop the car to turn around."

She hears yelling and then Voight is on the line, "Erin nothing's going to happen, you're going to be fine. I have officers on route and we're already getting the cars out."

The car behind speeds up and suddenly starts to chase. "I'm not going to be ok, they're chasing me now. It's Merendes and he's going to kill me. Voight please, don't let him-"

A car appears infront of her and she swerves, right into a wall. The phone call cuts off with her cry. Then silence.

Tbc...


	2. Drowning in the past

***Three years earlier* **

_You stupid bitch. _

In the time she spent with him he'd called her a stupid bitch several times. But now was the only time he really meant it. Looming over her with his gun pushed into her face.

She knew she was screaming and crying, everything she was trained not to do but he'd found her mike and stood on it then broke her wrist. Her cover was blown and Merendes was one move away from killing her.

Then Voight barged in and saved her. He told her to forget about the man, get better and back to work. Forget the guy even existed because he was going down for life.

The words he said to her as he was dragged off in cuffs haunt her now.

_ I'm going to get out and then you're dead bitch, when you least expect it, you're dead... _

***Present day* **

She opens her eyes and is instantly met with panic. She remembers being chased in a car, screaming and crying for someone to save her, then a crash. After then it was all darkness, the impact knocking her out.

"Erin." A voice says softly. She whips her head around and sat calmly on a chair doing a Rubik's cube is Clayton Merendes, a man she thought she would never see again.

He smiles and she almost pukes.

"I couldn't believe it when they opened the door and told me I was leaving that shit hole. There was a whole bunch of agreements involving some gang shit but then it all just went away. I figured I should make a run for it before they pinned something on me and I ended up back inside."

She swallows, "Where are we?"

He smiles again and her stomach is churning. She wants her partner and Voight and everyone else that makes her feel safe.

"Where do you think we are? Guess a thousand times and you still won't be close."

It's only then she realises her hands are tied and both her legs are held tightly against a chair.

Clayton shrugs, "You're a cop, I can't help but take some precautions because I bet somewhere in that pretty little head of yours you were already planning an escape."

She really wasn't. Instead she was thinking about the crash. There was probably a news story on tv right that minute. _Cop taken in revenge kidnapping_. The officers first on seen probably thought it was a car crash where the driver had run away. Voight would have arrived and set them straight. Forensics were probably combing the crash site for evidence.

She loses her track of thought when she sees a syringe produced from Merendes' pocket.

He taps the side of it and laughs, "Relax, it isn't anything hard, not heroin if that's what you're thinking. It's just something that's going to make you relax and forget about this all for a while, forget about your daddy and your boyfriend..."

Before she can even make a smart ass comment he's stuck her in the neck and she's out of it.

...

Across town Halstead is pacing furiously as forensics comb the site. When he got on the scene he almost cried. Erin's car was a wreck and she was gone. She was probably really hurt and the people that had taken her would most probably be making it worse.

Voight's worse than he is. Yelling at the officers, even at Olinsky when he tries to calm him down. They both have something in their eyes and Jay doesn't like not knowing.

It's almost 15 minutes later when Voight calms enough and explains, "This case was Erin's biggest for her entire career. She went deep undercover. She lived with him, drank with him, she even got into bed with him. When he found out I thought she was dead. I didn't know she would even be breathing when I got to her but she was. Her wrist was shattered and her face was a mess but she was alive. Merendes was pissed though."

Olinsky nods, "Its how she got a promotion. Anyone else would have cracked by that point, she just got back up, and got on with life."

"This guy is really after her then." Jay says, swallowing.

"Yeah, you could put it that way. But I would say this, if we don't get to her soon, I don't know if she makes it out alive if she's ever going to be ok again. He's saddistic, a sociopath and she is his target."

...

_She's 14 and a man sees her hidden amongst the bins in the alley. He tries to pass her some water but she turns away telling him no, she deserves to die. He tells her that's he's talking bullshit and if she needs help he's there for her. He hands her a card then walks away. _

Erin...

_ The next time she sees the man it's a few months later. She's phoned him to say she wants out, she needs to get out. He tells her to stick it out for a few days, he's going to get her out. But then some things happen and she wakes up in hospital. She remembers the day before him holding her in his arms and thinks the man is crying. He tells her to hold on, don't give up. There's sirens and then nothing until she wakes up in hospital. _

Wake up Erin.

_ When she's 16 she's back in school an doing well. Some girls corner her one day and she just lets them beat her down, she doesn't want to fight back, no more fighting. The man knocks on her door later that night and sees her face. The next day at school the girls who hurt her are expelled and humiliated and nobody hurts her then._

WAKE UP.

A sharp stinging across her cheek brings her back to reality and she remembers where she is. She's not 14, she's double that age and alone. No Voight.

She feels her cheek and realises it's cut from the crash and bleeding. Merendes is still watching her.

This time instead of a Rubik's cube in his hand, there's a knife. It's gleaming wickedly in the light and she feels her hands tremble at the sight. She casts her mind back to three years earlier, when Merendes used a similar knife to chop off a guys fingers.

He looks at her before speaking.

"I met some people when I was inside, seems like there wasn't just me you pissed off. Since you've been 14 you've been destroying peoples lives..."

The knife spins between his hands.

"Whatever the hell you're going to do to me just do it." Erin says, her voice small but certain.

He laughs, actually laughs, then stands above her, grabbing her face between his rough fingers.

He's so close she can smell his breath and it's all minty and deceiving like always. She can see his eyes. They're so cold and Erin doesn't think she's ever been so terrified of someone in her entire life.

"Daddy says hello by the way."

She closes her eyes. Of course Merendes met her father in prison. She hadn't seen the man for almost 15 years yet he still came back to haunt her.

"I remember him telling me something about you, something I find intriguing. You're biggest fear in the entire world is drowning."

_No...no...no._

"Well Erin, I'm going to make a cute little home video now and spoiler alert, you're going swimming. Then I'm going to send it to your surrogate daddy and let him suffer."

...

She's not sure how long it lasts, she's thinking of nothing but the cold water burning her lungs whilst he holds her under until the very last second, then rips her up.

She promised herself she wouldn't beg and plead but it's too much and then she's screaming. Screaming at him to stop, screaming for Voight to help her. He tells her to shut up.

Before she can close her mouth he hits her over the head and everything goes dark.

...

It's precisely two hours later when some 14 year old addict arrives at intelligence and hands Voight the CD. He leaves without a word and they just let him because someone as evil and clever as Clayton Merendes wouldn't leave any loose ends.

The kid's dead.

Voight takes a deep breath before he plays the recording, the rest of the team gathered around.

Erin appears on the screen looking drugged and hurt and everything Voight feels at that moment is anger.

A voice is heard telling her to smile for the camera but she's impassive and says nothing. Instead the man behind the camera speaks.

"Detective Voight, I'm sure you know exactly who I am so I'm not going to waste any time. Erin's with me because she needs to pay for all the bad things she's done to me and others, her dad, Charlie, all the other men she's tricked and played over the years. Don't worry, I'm not going to kill her, I'm just going to make her wish I did."

The camera clicks off and on again and this time there's a bath filled with water and Erin's shaking, not saying a word.

Voight swears when he sees it, "Jesus Christ." He remembers a few years ago when Erin was just starting up as a detective...

_He sees her go into the building and she's gone for way too long. He doesn't care and goes in after. Then he finds her floating in the bath tub and it's 5 whole minutes before she's breathing again. Even then, she freezes everytime she's near water. It takes him 6 months to get it out of her she's terrified of drowning, her deepest and darkest fear._

They continue to watch the video and as the minutes go by it becomes more and more painful. She's silent at first but suddenly she's pleading_ stop please, Voight help me please I can't do this please. _

He smacks her head against metal and she's out.

"This is only the beginning." Clayton says.

Then the video cuts off.

He punches the desk and Halstead stands forcefully. "We need to find her."

Everyone nods except for Voight. It's another few seconds before he speaks.

"No, we need to find him and when we do he's going to wish he could be back behind those bars because when I've finished with him, he'll be praying for death. Erin's my family and believe me, that guys gonna pay for this."

Tbc...


	3. The past resurfaces

She doesn't even know how much later it is when he carries through a small tv and plugs it in. Her throat is burning and her head spinning but she looks at him, raising her eyebrows.

"Are we catching up on the kardashians?"

He looks at her, grinning, "Something like that."

The headline appears and she's not at all surprised. Her picture's on the screen. It's recent and one that Jay took. They'd been on a stakeout for hours and she was complaining that she needed to pee. Jay had laughed and said that she could use a bottle. He'd flashed the camera then and caught her mid laugh.

They show the crime scene and in the background she sees her partner pacing.

She closes her eyes and hears Merendes switch off the tv again.

"What I don't understand is how that guy makes you happy, I was only ever good to you and how did you repay me? You ratted me out, destroyed my life!"

He's angry and Erin remembers the last time he'd been angry at her. She needed surgery on her wrist.

"He's just a guy I work with. I had a boyfriend until a few weeks ago, we broke up, he's just trying to make me feel better." She tries to calm Merendes but he's always been overly jealous.

Her captor sits and seethes for a few seconds with anger, "Did you rat this one out to the cops too? Send him to jail?"

Erin shakes her head, knowing it's pointless even trying to explain anything to him. He's high and drunk and angry.

Clayton stands then, his chair scraping back, "I met someone else inside that told me some interesting things about you Erin", He holds up a razor blade and smiles, "he told me that you got low when you were a kid, you tried to kill yourself."

"No", she starts, shaking her head, "I didn't. That's not true." But the more she stares at the blade, the more she realises that Merendes has done his homework on her, he knows everything. He knows that when she was 15 years old, her life was so bad she tried to end it all. There's only one person in the world who could have told him this because Charlie was the one who tries to speed along the process after and get her out of his life...

***14 years earlier***

_"Voight I can't do this, I'm sorry", she hears her sobs echo down the phone and tries to calm down, "He injected me tonight with some heroin and now I realise I'm never getting out of this. Not alive anyway." _

_She puts down the phone and clicks end call, knowing that Voight will hear the message in ten minutes, an hour, a day and it will just be too late. _

_She takes one last sip from her bottle of alcohol and picks up the blade. Then all she sees is red. It's everywhere. All over Charlie's couch and carpet but she doesn't care. _

_Erin doesn't know how long passes but then Charlie comes home and sees the blood. The first thing he does is complain about the stains, until he realises what she's done. He panicks then. Not because she's dying but because he's scared he's going to get he blame, charged with murder or something._

_So he runs a cold bath and lays her in the tub, telling her that it will look more like suicide if she's in the bathroom. He tells her she's stupid, then leaves. The door slamming behind him. _

_The next thing she hears is yelling from outside of the apartment. "Erin!" _

_It's Voight. _

_She can't move. Her limbs are numb and she'd never even get to the door anyway. _

_If she stays quiet he'll go away, she thinks, but he keeps on banging at the door until she hears him yell something. The door breaks away from the hinges and he's inside the apartment. _

_He yells her name again and cuts off. He must have seen the blood she thinks. _

_She doesn't want to fight it anymore so instead she just closes her eyes and tries to let go. _

_The bathroom door crashes open then and she hears him swearing as he finds her in the tub. He calls in for an ambulance and the next second she's plucked from the cold water and carried into the living room. _

_He wraps something around her shoulders (his jacket she finds out later) and ties things around her wrists. _

_"Hang on Erin, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, you're going to live." He's pleading now and she knows he thinks she's already dead because his fingers are too frantic to find a pulse. _

_She opens her eyes then and they meet Voight's, "I'm sorry, I deserve to die." _

_That's the last thing she remembers before she wakes up in hospital_...

***Present Day* **

Merendes is looking intently at her as she relives something so far in her past, she wished she could forget. "Hurts doesn't it. Betrayal."

She's the one who's angry now. "I didn't betray you", she starts, "I was never loyal to begin with, I took the case to become a detective, for a promotion."

He slaps her then. A harsh backhand across the cheek that usually would just sting but he's chosen that day to wear a ring and how a bruise forms a red wound appears. When he sees his ring is covered in blood he takes it off and throws it across the floor, disgusted with the sight of it. Then he's pacing, just like Jay had on the tv.

"When I saw you in that car, I was so close to running you off that road right then, but I knew I needed time to plan this. I wanted to kill you right there and then in front of your partner, break him. But I held off because I knew that this would be far more enjoyable."

He's deluded, Erin's tells herself, "You already said you're going to make me kill myself, we established that three days ago, but to be honest, at the minute I'm not feeling too terrible."

Merendes squeezes his fingers into the palm of each of his hands as if to stop himself from slapping her again before he speaks, "Dont test my patience Erin. It's time to make another video to send to your friends."

...

Ten minutes later he has the camera rolling and he's sat stroking the side of Erin's face as she ignores every instinct in her body telling her to push him away. "She's not like I remember, she's tougher, but that just means her downfall will be even more entertaining. She's already tested my patience twice today and for that she needs to be punished", he grabs a hammer from the table pushed to the back of the small room, "surgery on her wrist for the third time won't be fun, especially with that much scar tissue as it is..."

Then he brings the hammer down.

She screams.

The pain is so immense she can't help but scream and she doesn't sound like herself which worries her. He's taken that away already. She can tell the bones are shattered once again but she doesn't cry. She won't give him that satisfaction. Not ever.

...

It's a few hours later when the intelligence unit receive the new video and they watch it, tense and angry.

Halstead practically punches a hole through the desk when he brings the hammer down. Antonio goes pale. Ruzek closes his eyes. Olinsky pats Voight on the shoulder.

"She had surgery on her wrist last time?" Halstead asks.

Voight nods, "She's had two surgeries on her wrist. One when she was 15...to repair a vein. Then three years ago to fix the break. He's exploiting her weaknesses."

Halstead stops then, "I've been thinking. I know things about Erin from the past couple of years. I don't know anything about her past, none of the stuff when she was a kid. I think it might help to bring up her file."

"She told me you already saw the file."

Jay laughs, "Yeah, her CI file, written by you I'm guessing, we know that most of the stuff in there is bullshit. I think we need the real stuff, I just really need to know what we're up against. We all need to know who's helping this guy, because there's obviously somebody."

Voight thinks for a moment then he swears. "Shit." He points to Ruzek, "Get the records up for Merendes' cell block in prison, I need to know the names of everyone he's been in contact with." The young officer starts to research immediately whilst Voight makes a call.

A while later Voight's got his head in his hands. "Listen up, we have some leads."

He pins 3 pictures on the board, and points to the first, "We're all familiar with Charlie, still can't pronounce his surename. Ever since his return to prison, he's been housed in the same block as Merendes I figure he's been telling tales."

He points to the next guy, "Jason Mills, Erin put him away a few years ago. It was messy through no fault of Erin's. He got shot in the leg by a cop, his kid, some up and coming gang member died when during a persuit by Erin he ran straight into a truck, that was moving at speed, she gave CPR, tried to save him."

The final guy is older, he looks strangely familiar, "This is Conrad Lindsay, Erin's father", he pulls a face as if tasting something bitter, "He's been behind bars since the 90's for manslaughter and drug crimes. He put needles into kids who ended up OD'd, almost killed a guy when he was drunk, then eventually stabbed one of his suppliers to death when he refused to sell him more. Erin was a witness in his trial, she was 11 at the time, she hadn't started taking drugs. She put him away, told the judge some truths about her home life."

Everyone sits in silence as it sinks in.

Their team member clearly has a more interesting past than any of them thought possible and it was all coming around to bite her on the ass...

tbc...


	4. Faces fade, feelings don't

**Here's a new chapter. Sorry it's kinda short and filler-y. Don't worry it gets good and you'll be happy to know the whole kidnapping thing will only be dragged out for another chapter at the most:) **

They go to the prison later that day and speak to Mills and Erin's father. The first of the two, Jason Mills smirks when he sees Voight.

"I know what this is about already, there's not way in hell I'm helping you." He's smiling already.

Voight sits down opposite him, "She was just doing her job, you weren't put away because of her, you were out away because of your own actions. I'm sure you know she's been taken by now."

Mills sneers, "Oh I knew weeks ago something was going down, Merendes can be persuasive when he knows what you want." He continues to speak, "She deserves it. She got my kid killed and trust me, she's going to get what she deserves."

Antonio grimaces at Voight who looks murderously across the table at the man. He controls himself enough to head towards the door.

Before he leaves, he turns, "If Erin gets hurt any more or worse, killed, then you will be held on the charges that Merendes does. You know something and by not telling me now, you've made things a lot worse for yourself."

Mills laughs, "I don't care, I have nothing outside of this place, your detective made sure of that. You're not going to find her anytime soon, I know that, they're at a place you would never think to look."

Voight leaves then, Antonio a few paces behind.

...

The next guy they speak to is Erin's father, the term Voight loosely uses, knowing full well Erin hates the man.

"Long time no see Detectives." Conrad says, lounging back in his seat.

Antonio frowns, "Have we met before?"

Conrad laughs and shakes his head, "I mean it's been a long time since I've seen any detective, they've left me alone for almost 7 years now, how I like it."

Voight sits down and pulls out a file. Inside are pictures taken from the video footage Merendes had sent in the previous few days.

Conrad takes a picture and frowns, "That's Merendes, right?"

Voight pulls a face. "You don't recognise the woman in these photographs, not at all?"

He can't believe the man doesn't even realise it's his own daughter being tortured and hurt for the fun of some sadistic psychopath. It makes him feel sick.

"She looks like my ex wife." He finally says, throwing the pictures down, "But given that my ex wife is wrinkly old and probably dead from her drinking, I'd say it most definitely isn't, my guess is cop, she's one of yours."

This time Voight pulls out another picture. This time it's one showing Erin aged 16 and one taken last year for the ID Badges. Even though on one she's in withdrawal, pale and sick, both images still clearly show her.

"Still just some cop now?"

Conrad stares coldly across the table. "That's Erin, my daughter. Why the hell does Merendes have her, what did she do this time?"

Antonio laughs, unable to believe that the man still blames everything on his daughter. "She didn't do anything, he ambushed her, drove her off the road, just for doing her job."

"I heard she was a cop, figured it was unlikely given the last time I spoke to her, it was her calling the prison asking for a heroin hook up."

Voight wants to punch the man. Instead he asks him something, "Are you going to help us?"

Conrad smirks, "As long as you do something for me. But we can agree on that after I do your job for you." He's toying with them now and it's evident that he's part of some agenda against his daughter.

He reaches for the pencil lying on the table and begins to scribble. 5 minutes later he looks up. "I've written a list of all the possible locations he has her, the places he talked about in here. I need to know that when you find him, it doesn't get back to me. I get moved to an open prison far away, with a tv. I also get regular medicals where I get given a fix. You do this for me, you get your detective back, simple."

"Doesn't her being your daughter mean anything to you?" Voight asks.

Conrad shakes his head, "My daughter died the minute she betrayed me, as far as I'm concerned find her alive, find her dead. I just want what I asked for."

Voight sighs, wanting to say more. He motions for Antonio to leave.

20 minutes later they're back at the station planning their search for Erin...

...

"Erin, don't you want your dinner?"

She glances up and sees Clayton standing above her with a plate.

"I don't, and even if I did, you broke my wrist, I can't pick it up, my other hands chained." She whispers. Not because she's scared, obviously she's scared, but because her throat is dry and talking is more painful than she thought.

He holds her chin up so she can't help but look at him, "This is going to get boring really fast if you die of dehydration, still I'm almost done now."

Then he puts the plate down, forcefully. "Remeber when you made me that meal one night? I told you it was that good, it sent me to sleep. I realise now you drugged me so you could get out and tell your cop friends what I was doing."

He disappeares to the far corner of the room, carrying a syringe. "I know exactly what's worse than killing you Erin."

She can see it now. What he wants to do to her. She forces herself to speak. "What would that be then, talk me to death?"

He laughs, "Nope. Your biggest regret in life is drugs. Even now, drugs control you. My way to destroy you is to let you destroy yourself. Over the next few days, you get heroin, soon enough you'll be addicted. Then I let you go."

She swallows, "Please don't, it took me years to get clean. Anything but heroin."

"Nope, you ruined my life. Enjoy the rest of yours. You won't be a cop anymore, you'll be living on drugs, probably dead by the time you're 40."

Then he sticks the needle in and everything she worked towards for almost 15 years is compromised...

...

***4 days later***

There's only one other place on the list they haven't checked off. It's the least likely; a half developed set of Flats across the other end of the city. Falling down and abandoned and not the usual place Merendes would hang about.

"Is this place even worth checking out?" Ruzek asks Olinsky.

His partner nods, "I know for experience it's always the places you least expect that end up showing you the most. If he has Lindsay there, we'll find them."

Ruzek pauses before asking another question. "Do you think...she'll be ok?"

Olinsky sighs, "There's only two ways anyone comes out of a situation like that- dead or wishing they were. She's going to be hurt, physically and mentally. We only saw a tiny amount of what he's probably done to her. When we get her back, she's going to be different."

They both look across to Voight and Halstead who are discussing points of entry on the building. "If we don't find her today, those two are going to do something drastic, it worries me." Olinsky mutters.

Ruzek shrugs, "If she was my best friend or my daughter I would have already done something drastic, they have every right to be impatient."

... Tbc (very soon hopefully!)


	5. The big apple

**Hearing about the 3 way crossover next week has got me real excited! SVU Has always been a show I've enjoyed. So here's a special one time crossover chapter. As ****_promised,_**** it's the last captivity chapter for Erin. Hope you enjoy it:) review!**

She's only half awake when she hears Merendes is talking. Erin's eyes open and she realises he's on the phone.

"_Are you sure they're coming here?...Ok...There's nowhere else in this goddamn city to hide...New York, I have connections there...Give me twenty, then we're off." _

He hangs up and looks over to her, sensing she's awake.

"Seems like you're friends aren't so stupid, they're on their way over. We're going to have to take a little trip."

She knows when people leave the state it's all over. Almost impossible to find them. "Please, Clayton, just leave me here, I won't let them chase you. You can be free and I'll just go back to work, forget this happened..." She's pleading and she'd promised herself she would never beg.

"No. You're coming. Let's leave a little message for your friends first, for when they get here and find nothing."

He flips open the video recorder and presses record. "Morning detectives, I'm sorry we're not here for your little visit today, seems like you just missed us. If you want to know where I am, where Erin is, then lo siente. We're leaving for good. Maybe in a few years I'll let her out or maybe you'll find her body, I haven't decided yet."

He points the camera towards Erin, "Say goodbye Erin." He orders her, like she's a child and for once she doesn't object.

She swallows hard and looks directly into the camera, "Goodbye, I'm sorry. I'm sorry Halstead we never got that trip out of town to that restaurant you told me about, guess not everything works out right."

Merendes laughs, "You're never going to see your friends again and you want to talk about food?"

She looks back at the camera, "It's important that he knows."

Merendes sighs and closes the camera. "Stupid girl. That's going to haunt you."

_No_, she thought, _that's going to haunt you Clayton_.

...

When Voight and his team bust down the door of the flats half an hour later they're all filled with hope. "Chicago PD," he yells "Hands in the air!"

"Erin?" Jay yells frantically. He opens the door of where his partner was held minutes before and stops. It's the room with no windows from the videos Merendes sent them. There's the bathtub, the chair and a lot of blood. But no Erin. "Voight!" He yells.

His boss appears and looks into the room. "They were here." He reaches for his radio, "I want an alert put out throughout Chicago, detective Erin Lindsay has been kidnapped and may be in the car of Merendes somewhere in the city. I want it on the tv."

As he continues to yell into his radio, Halstead walks into the room and finds the recorder.

After a deep breath he clicks play and watches. Erin appears on the screen and Merendes is saying something. Suddenly she begins to speak, asked if she had anything she wanted to say to her team. She says something about a restaurant.

He looks at her more closely and swears. She looks high. That means she's confused and anything she said makes no sense. She's left them nothing to find her with.

"What've you got kid?" Voight asks. He shows his sergeant the recording. When it fades to black, Voight looks at him, his face angry. "He's got her on something. He let her say goodbye because he knew she wouldn't have anything useful to say, not whilst she's that messed up."

Voight walks right out of the flats then towards his car, kicking the tyre in anger. "I promised her I would help her, this is my fault." Olinsky and Ruzek stand there, not knowing what to say or do.

Antonio hangs his head sadly, understanding exactly what it's like to lose someone you care about.

Voight eventually turns to his team. "She's gone. There's no point being here. He left everything behind. We don't even know what type of car he has, where he's going, what he's going to do out her."

Jay shakes his head, "No, that's not true. She's smart, Erin's the smartest person I know. Somewhere in that room there's something. I know it."

His boss laughs bitterly. "I hope you're right kid, we won't know until they drag it apart up there. We need to get back to the precinct and try and work out how we're going to bring her home."

...

***24 hours later***

She wakes, groggy and nauseous and completely confused. Instead of the floor, she's attached to a bed frame by her unbroken wrist. Her feet are zip tied together.

It feels like an eternity later when Merendes hurries through the door, swearing and angry. His face is bleeding.

"Women are vicious whores." He whispers to her, seething.

"Who hit you?" She says.

"A woman, she hit me, I had my fun with her though, don't worry." He's grinning now, the cut on his face forgotten. It's like he's reliving something in his head.

Erin gags when she hears this, knowing exactly what kind of fun he's talking about. She feels sick. "Clayton, where are we?"

He doesn't reply at first but eventually he relents, "We're somewhere big, somewhere with lots of places to hide."

_New York, she thinks, they'll never find me here._

He looks at his phone, then back towards her. "I need to go out again, time for something to make you relax."

This time it isn't heroin, it's chloroform...

She doesn't know how long she sleeps for.

...

Over at the Special Victims Unit in New York, Olivia Benson sits across from the girl. They'd been called out several hours earlier to a rape and now the victim was giving a statement. The girl was pretty, brunette, small and now damaged in ways that can't be explained.

"When he grabbed you did he say anything?"

The girl looks at her, "He told me I was pretty, he said he knows a girl like me, she's pretty or she was before he got her. He said that all pretty girls were users, we deserve to be punished, like he was doing to this girl."

It peaks Liv's interest as she hears about the other girl, "This girl he mentioned, did he give a name, or any other detail?"

The girl- Rhona- nods, "He kept saying she was a whore, dirty. He said we would get along fine, we could be twins, and maybe if he got bored with her, he'd take me home."

Benson feels herself go cold. There's someone still out there being held. Her mind flashes to Lewis and everything she endured with him. Suddenly she was on her feet and moving towards the door.

"Nick, have we got prints back from the scene yet?"

Her partner nods, "I was just coming to tell you. He's good, this guy. No prints. But we got him on surveillance going into an apartment a few blocks from where the victim was found."

He looks intently at Olivia, "What's the matter?"

She closes the door and walks closer to his desk, calling over Fin and Amanda, "The girl says the rapist told her about another girl. It sounds like he has her somewhere. My guess is on a brunette that looks like our victim, seems he has a type."

"What do you want us to do?" Rollins asked.

"You and Fin take a walk around the crime scene, the guy might come back if he's staying somewhere close by. Nick and I will take a look at the apartment we saw him go into."

...

It's almost half an hour later they arrive at the apartments. "Liv, one of these is owned by Javier Hernandez, member of a cartel. If this rapist has something to do with this, it's gotta be bad."

She nods and reaches for the radio, "Back Up requested at 220 Reddington, possible armed suspect with cartel ties." Then she reaches for her gun.

"Seriously, we're not going to wait?"

She laughs, "Nick, there could be another girl in there suffering as we sit here, we need to go in."

He nods and they both take the stairs cautiously. It's only when they get outside of the apartment that either of them makes a sound. "NYPD open up." Benson yells.

When there's no reply she shrugs and motions to Nick, who kicks down the door.

That's when they both hear the groan. Olivia enters the bedroom and stops. "Nick, call a bus, now!"

On the bed is a woman tied down. Her mind flashes back to being taken by Lewis. It's exactly the same. "No more please, I'm done..." She hears the woman whisper, not even opening her eyes.

Benson walks closer and Nick rushes in. He instantly cuts the woman free. She cries out when he touches her wrist.

"It's ok, there's help on the way sweetie, you're safe now, nobody' going to hurt you."

The woman speaks then, "Please, it hurts, make it stop..."

Benson looks to Nick then, "Her wrist is completely shattered." He says, confirming Olivia's suspicion.

She can hear sirens in the distance.

"What's your name?" Benson asks as she takes the woman's hand in her own. It's clammy yet burning hot.

This time the woman looks at her and a familiar look appears in her eyes, "Detective Erin Lindsay, Chicago PD, intelligence." It's the look of a cop.

Then she passes out.

"Shit." Olivia says.

"Sarg, do you know her?"

Benson nods, "I do, she's a great cop. I heard something about a kidnapping in Chicago, didn't figure it would get to us."

She stands then, as the EMT's get to work.

She turns to Rollins, "Get Chicago on the phone, ask for Sargeant Voight, tell him we've found his detective."

...

TBC.


	6. Fine, not fine

**I'd say this was a fairly quick upload of the newest chapter, and warning now for mentions of physical and sexual assault, because I'd feel terrible if someone were to read this and get upset. I hope you're enjoying this story and I'm sorry if anyone thinks it's too dark, bearing in mind it's crime and angst. I'm hoping somewhere down the line it will become less angsty... But that just depends on if people keep reading;) leave me some reviews and maybe some suggestions or ideas of what direction you'd like to see this story go. **

**At the minute I have plays for at least 5 more chapters, if not more just FYI. Enjoy!:) **

...

There's the sound of a chair hitting the ground and suddenly Jay is on his feet. There are dark circles underneath his eyes as if he hasn't slept for a week, which is quite obviously the truth.

"Voight!" He yells, holding a television remote in his hand.

Everyone looks up, puzzled by his outburst. Without pausing, Jay presses play on the video.

"I knew she would leave us something, the restaurant she's talking about, it's in New York, she's in New York." He's smiling slightly then, it's the first break they'd had in a few days.

Voight's already grabbing his coat. "I know people down there, I'm going to phone ahead."

Suddenly his phone rings and for once he answers, "Voight." He says in a cutting tone.

The rest of the team are frozen, waiting for some order from their boss, but he just stands and listens.

_Sargeant Voight? This is Detective Rollins from SVU, we met a few months ago...we found your detective, she's alive sir. _

He almost drops the phone, "We're on our way right now, don't let her out of your sight, she's not safe. Tell her we're coming, her family are coming."

There are tears in his eyes, but he's smiling, "The SVU unit in New York found her, she's on her way to the hospital and we're going straight there."

...

"Erin? Listen, you have to stay awake, don't close your eyes..." Benson says, trying to ruse the detective awake in the back of the ambulance. She had drifted in and out since they found her, making hardly any sense.

The EMT's were worried about her; she was high, dehydrated and looking terrible.

She opens her mouth and finally the words come out, "Did you get him?" The words are quiet and hopeful.

Olivia shakes her head, "No. We've got people looking for him, he's not going to get near you again, I promise."

Erin laughs then, a broken sound that Olivia Benson knows all too well. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

...

She doesn't speak again until they get to the hospital and Erin gets wheeled into a room, suddenly the New York detective feels a tight grip around her arm. "Please don't leave me alone, please..." Erin's pleading now, never feeling more terrified in her life.

Olivia looks over to her partner who's talking to some doctors and nods to Erin, "I'm not suppose to be there for the physical exam but we can make an exception."

The doctor is kind and instantly tries to make Erin more comfortable. "We're going to get you on something for the pain Detective-" Lindsay cuts him off, "You can't, he's got me on something, I could overdose if you give me any pain meds."

The doctor sighs then, but then collects himself, "Instead we can give you a mild sedative, you'll still be able to feel it but you won't be as aware. I'm going to clean your cuts and take a look at your wrists, then later on order some more tests. In the mean time, can I do anything for you?"

Erin shakes her head, "No, I'm fine."

Olivia is still with her, sat silently in the chair next to the bed, she gives the younger woman some time to think before speaking again. "I know you're feeling so terrible right now, but I need to know something, the other girl told us he did something to her."

"He didn't." Erin whispers, "He didn't do that to me."

It's alls Olivia needs. "That's all I needed right now, everything else can wait. Is there anything you can tell us about this man to help us track him down?"

She nods. "Clayton Merendes, 31, cartel links. In prison for the last 3 years, guess who put him there. He got released with the intention of locking him back up. He's most likely to reach out to whoever owns the apartment we were at."

Benson nods, noting things down. "I called your team in Chicago, they're heading down here right now."

Erin is completely not shocked by this. She can imagine Voight out of his mind with worry finding out she's in New York and racing down. Jay's probably thinking about what to say to her. The rest of the team are probably just relieved she's safe.

"What you're going through Erin, you're not alone."

She looks up and smiles, "I saw your story in the paper, it was on the news, I'm so sorry that happened to you."

"You ever thought about changing from intelligence to SVU? I could use a detective like you." She's trying to lighten the mood and somehow it works.

"Maybe one day. I just don't think I'm going to be at work for a few months, my boss will say no and make me stay at home."

Olivia laughs, "I know the feeling, I was made to take months off, although now I'm thankful. Do you like your boss? Rollins said you all seem really close, she enjoyed being in chicago with your unit."

"My boss, Voight, he's like my dad. He helped me a lot when I was younger, saved my life a few times too."

Their heart to heart is interrupted by the doctor returning, his face grim. "We got your X-rays back, your wrist is in pretty bad shape. I noticed that you already have plates and screws in there from a previous surgery." He stops, as if waiting for her to tell him. Clearly he hadn't had her notes from Chicago yet.

"Two surgeries. One when I was 15, vein repair. One from three years ago, Merendes broke it then too."

The doctor nods, "We're waiting from the rest of your medical history so we're planning surgery for tomorrow morning. Your tox results came back clear. Whatever was in your system isn't there anymore, you're free to receive pain relief."

She nods, grateful. Her wrist is throbbing and her head feels even worse. When the medicine enters her system she practically cries with relief as the world dims a little.

Olivia takes that as her cue, "Erin, I have to go back to the station, will you be ok here? I have one of my detectives posted outside and then two officers a little down the corridor, this Merendes guy isn't getting in here."

"I'm falling asleep anyway, I'll be fine..." Already her eyes are drooping.

Olivia nods once more and gently closes the door behind her, feeling immense sympathy for the other detective. Erin said she was fine and that's what worries her, because nobody coming out of these ordeals is ever fine, and denial just makes it so much worse.

...

She wakes when she hears raised voices outside of her room.

"Where is she?" It's demanding and loud. Typical Voight, she'd recognise his raspy tone anywhere.

"Sargeant Voight I presume? Nick Amaro, SVU, Erin's asleep, or she was 5 minutes ago, I'm sure she'd be relieved to see you."

Voight shakes the man's hand, but doesn't let go. "Tell me straight, how is she? I know if I go in there she'll bullshit about how she's fine."

Amaro lets out a shaky laugh, "Truthfully Sargeant it was horrendous, I was there when we found her. He had her bound to the bed, she was terrified."

Another voice can be heard then, "I'm going to kill that sick bastard."

It's Jay and she feels the tears prick in her eyes. She knows how much he's suffering, knows how much he cares for her and suddenly that hurts so much more than anything else. She closes her eyes and tries to calm down.

The next second the door opens. It's a nurse. "Honey, are you ok, your heart rate went a little high?"

She nods, not opening her eyes, "Just a bad dream." Her voice comes out as barely a whisper but it's enough for Voight to hear the other side of the door.

"Erin?" He says, pushing the door open and walking in, he doesn't care that the nurse is telling him to slow down. "I thought I'd lost you."

She opens her eyes at that, promising the same thing she did when he lost his wife. "You'll never lose me Hank."

He grasps her good hand, "Please Erin, I just need to know. Special victims are handling this, are you- did he-."

To his surprise she laughs. "Why is that everyone's first question? Not, sorry you got kidnapped, are you ok? Just- did he rape you?" There are tears running down her face then and Voight doesn't know what to do. She's breaking already and he can't stop it.

Then she feels bad because she knows he only asked out of concern, "The answers no, he didn't do that to me."

Voight breaths then but begins to frown again. "What did the doctors say?"

"Bruising, cuts, a few broken ribs, damaged lung, then the broken wrist and a concussion." She says it like a list, not really knowing the words leaving her mouth. It's robotic and cold and Voight doesn't know what else he can possibly say to make her feel better. She fills in the silence for him. "Is Halstead out there?"

Voight nods, "He was adamant he came up here with me, Antonio, Ruzek and Alvin are all downstairs speaking to some New York detectives."

Jay peaks around the door then and Erin smiles. "Jay." She wants to say more but no words come out. Instead she winces at the pain from her wrist and ribs.

"Nurse!" Voight calls. She's already shaking her head and telling him no but the nurse comes anyway and gives her some more pain relief, effectively knocking her out.

...

Jay's holding her hand gently the next time she comes too, his other hand gripped into a tight fist on the hard plastic of the chair he's sat in.

"That can't be comfortable."

He looks up at her then and smiles, "Hey."

"I've been missing for over a week and the first thing you say is hey?"

He looks confused, "Erin, I don't know what else to say. I'm just still getting over you being here in front of me, alive." He's trying not to cry then.

"Jay I'm fine, I promise." It's a lie and she knows it. He even knows it. But she's lying in a hospital bed and he doesn't call her out. "We're staying down in New York for as long as it takes for this case to get solved, so we can drive you back home to Chicago when you get released."

She nods, "When will that be?"

"According to your doctor, within the next week, but that's under strict bed rest, no strenuous activity. He looked at your wrist, and he said you were so lucky, a few millimetres the other way and it would have been to bad to properly repair, you wouldn't have fired a gun again..."

He realises what he said a second too late. Erin's already pulling away. "I'm lucky am I?", she hisses, "I'm lucky I got tortured for over a week, had my wrist crushed, got injected with heroin and drowned in a freezing cold bath. That's ok I guess because I'll fire a gun again." She's near tears now and he wants to apologise but she's unrelenting. "No, don't say anything else, don't ask me if I'm ok again, because clearly I'm not. Leave, go fire your gun at someone, because clearly that's the most important thing right now."

She turns to face the wall and closes her eyes, leaving Jay to gape at her. He knows she won't listen to anything else he says and in some weird way, he's glad she got angry with him because at least that means she's still got some fight left in her; Merendes hadn't taken everything from her.

"I'm going to head to the station, one of the detectives from SVU is outside, call him if you need anything. I'll be back later."

Then he leaves and she sobs into her pillow

because she really is not alright

not alright in the slightest

she's broken and damaged

and doesn't know how she's going to get past it all

or how she's even going to survive.

tbc..


End file.
